Heart Attacks & Flatlines: Diagnosing the Rhythm of a Story

This sentence has five words.  This also has five words.  Five word sentences get boring.  Especially when side by side.  Can you hear the rhythm?  Are your eyes drooping yet?

When we draft, we pour our thoughts onto the page without much consideration for conventions. Revisiting those thoughts later through the lens of rhythm improves our clarity, flow, and style.  I use the following "diagnosis" technique with my fifth-grade writers.  This simplistic version can also be adapted to fit the needs of an established writer.

First, I provide my students with a long sheet of paper.  On the far left are three columns broken into cells.  The first column is labeled "First 3 Words of Sentence."  As the students transpose their first three words of each sentence, they notice where repetition occurs and consider alternate beginnings.

The next column is labeled "Number of Words in Sentence."  These numbers communicate if they are lulling the reader into a five word per sentence pattern (for example) like above.  The students also create bar graphs using those numbers so they can visualize the rhythm of their writing.

The last of the three columns is labeled "Vivid Writing."  This is an area for strong verbs, supportive adjectives, or literary devices.  The students use this to recognize if their draft includes to little, too much, or just enough descriptive language to keep the reader engaged.

With the chart and graph complete, the students diagnose their draft. Typical drafts fall into four broad categories.

Heart Attack:

The rhythm of the piece goes from long to short to medium with no real purpose.  Often this is due to improper punctuation.  It sounds good in the student's mind, but have them read it out loud.  They will hear the run on sentences or the fragments and realize the piece, when read aloud, is having a heart attack.

Flatliner:

The rhythm of the piece either includes all short choppy sentences or all long drawn out sentences.  Short choppy sentences are often due to a student writer's lack of confidence with language.  Some stronger adjectives, dialogue, and vivid descriptions will help shake things up.  Longer sentences are often due to run on sentences or a student taking sophistication above and beyond the acceptable.

Rest Rhythm:

There is exploration with rhythm here, but the story is at rest most of the time.  The student author goes from long sentence to short sentence with nothing in between.  The reader's stamina is taken away by use of long sentences, but the short sentences don't seem to fit the rhythm.

Exercise Rhythm:

Our body needs exercise, and so does our writing.  When the blood is pumping, our reader's mind is engaged and the story flows along at a natural clip.  Read aloud, the story moves forward seamlessly.  The pinnacle of health.

Where is your writing?  Is it time to break out the paddles?  Or is your story out for an invigorating jog with the reader alongside?

~Scott Heydt

"Live, Learn, Teach"

www.scotthbooks.com

http://scotthbooks.blogspot.com